dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
