she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
