wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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