in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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