i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
