The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
