I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize