I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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