I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
