im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
