I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
