btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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