so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize