she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
