What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
