Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
