Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
