I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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