My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My vagina is officially offended.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
