Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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