My sheets look like a crime scene.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
