i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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