girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
