i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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