I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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