it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
