You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Drunk is not a location!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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