if you like me you must not know who I am
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
