The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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