i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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