I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
