I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
