i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize