The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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