your parents love me but you hate me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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