You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
