Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
