My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
