Cold hands, warm shart.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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