I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
