we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
