Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
there was a trapeze. enough said
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
