WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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