Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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