FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
