Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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