is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
