Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
