yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
