I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
