keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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