Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
