Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
