; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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