stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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