I'm gonna have a badass scar
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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