I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you made out with another girl for some wings
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
