he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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