her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
