yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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