tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
