So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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