got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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