was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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