I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
