have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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