shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do vagina's smell?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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