lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
