her vagine was all disorganized.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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