Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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