we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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