I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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